Mathematics and Rick Moranis

my solution to fix baseball…

kevin — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 23:35:19 +0000

Since baseball is being ruined by athletes abusing performing enhancing drugs, why not think of a way to fix our national past time. I was napping and I woke up suddenly and thought, if ALL the players were FORCED to take steroids, this would even the playing field, so to speak, and fix the problem. Every player in MLB should be required to take performing enhancing drugs. Yes, this would be a poor example for youth, but who gives a shit. Baseball would work again.

Am I Missing Anything? We Will Never Forget You, 1980′s.

kevin — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 07:01:48 +0000

FOLLOW ME ON FACEBOOK: www.facebook.com/crabfisher

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER: www.twitter.com/crabfisher

Levar Burton: My Childhood Hero

kevin — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 05:03:00 +0000

Perhaps one of the strangest actor resume’s has to be Levar Burton’s. From starring as rebellious slave Kunta Kinte in ROOTS, to teaching millions of children that reading is cool on Reading Rainbow, to sporting the worst sunglasses ever as nerd icon Geordi La Forge on the deck of the Star Trek Enterprise. What the fuck are you up to now, Levar? You have close to a million followers on twitter. That is cool, i guess. “My life these days is so full of stress and pressure, I’ve come up with a new word… Stressure…!” Brilliant insights into the human soul such as these can be attained by following Levar Burton on the twitter website.

He starred in a Family Guy episode, “Petarted.” He played Martin Luther King Jr. in Will Smith’s movie Ali. and he starred as Mr. Haller on a Becker episode. Not even Sidney Poitier could transform from Martin Luther King Jr., to Mr. Haller on Becker, all in the same year of production, so brilliantly. Only Levar Burton has the diverse acting talent that is required mentally to accomplish such a task. I love you Levar. You helped teach me to read, and for that I am indebted to you forever.

Other than that, the only project he is undertaking that I know of, is that he is trying to quit smoking. But you don’t have to take my word for it…

http://levarburton.com

LPA Wants To Ban The Word “Midget”

kevin — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 20:36:48 +0000

The “little people of america inc.” (yes, they’re incorporated,) wants the FCC to put a ban on the word midget stating it’s a racial slur similar to the the word “nigger.” I believe strongly in the first amendment, that you should be able to speak and write whatever you want. I understand that the word could be offensive, and whoever uses the word should be judged for the context in which they use it. But not censored. I hate hate groups. I hate the KKK, but I believe they should be allowed to express their beliefs vocally and/or with the pen. And rational thinking people should be allowed to berate their beliefs in the same way, making them feel small and exposing their ignorance. Let’s not start banning more words. Let’s let the public, advertisers and peers judge the content of an idea, thought, or program and subject it to criticism and debate. I’m sick of this shit.

Little people want to ban words…

Etymology Of The Word “Nerd” (Or “Knurd”)

kevin — Sat, 30 May 2009 21:19:33 +0000

Today I learned this! Then just copied and pasted from Wikipedia because I thought it was interesting…

The first documented appearance of the word “nerd” is as the name of a creature in Dr. Seuss’s book If I Ran the Zoo (1950), in which the narrator Gerald McGrew claims that he would collect “a Nerkle, a Nerd, and a Seersucker too” for his imaginary zoo.[1][2] The slang meaning of the term dates back to 1951, when Newsweek magazine reported on its popular use in Detroit, Michigan.[3] By the early 1960s, usage of the term had spread throughout the United States and even as far as Scotland.[4][5] It was originally a synonym for “square” or “drip;” at some point, the word took on connotations of bookishness and social ineptitude.[citation needed]

An alternate spelling, as nurd, also began to appear in the mid-1960s or early ’70s.[6] Author Philip K. Dick claimed to have coined this spelling in 1973, but its first recorded use appeared in a 1965 student publication at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute.[7][8] Oral tradition there holds that the word is derived from “knurd” (“drunk” spelled backwards), which was used to describe people who studied rather than partied. On the other hand, the variant “gnurd” was in wide use at theMassachusetts Institute of Technology throughout the first half of the 1970s.

Other theories of the word’s origin suggest that it may derive from Mortimer Snerd, Edgar Bergen’s ventriloquist dummy, or the Northern Electric Research and Development labs in Ontario (now Nortel). The Online Etymology Dictionary speculates that the word is an alteration of the 1940s term nert (meaning “stupid or crazy person”), which is itself an alteration of “nut.”[9]

The term was popularized in the 1970s by its heavy use in the sitcom Happy Days.

Letter To US Airways

kevin — Wed, 27 May 2009 16:07:08 +0000

Dear Mr. Parker:

I recently flew US Airways from Portland, to Minneapolis and sat in row 33 seat a. As an airline executive, I’m quite sure you never had to sit in row 33 on this airplane. Let me explain why row 33 shouldn’t cost $550 for the round trip:

Row 33 is the very last row. It’s differs from the other rows in that it is directly in front of the bathrooms. I noted my experience on a US Airways napkin so I could convey it accurately in this letter.

8:45pm – Overweight man in khaki shorts enters bathroom.

8:48pm- Overweight man in Khaki shorts exits bathroom, bathroom and row 33 smells like feces for appx. 7 min.

8:55pm smell of feces leaves row 33.

appx. 9:20pm- Drift off to sleep.

9:37pm- Wake up to the smell of human feces, open eyes, see large woman walking away wearing flower pattern blouse.

9:38pm- Exchange sympathetic/disgusted glances with other passengers in row 33.

10:04pm- Tall man with green golf shirt enters bathroom.

10:07pm- Tall man with green golf shirt exits bathroom.

10:07pm- Bathroom and row 33 smell like bacon, stale bread and human feces.

10:08pm-Have conversation with gentleman in row 33 seat b that I need to write the airlines a letter about discounting row 33.

I have always respected and admired Rosa Parks. And I could not stop thinking about her on this flight. As of today, I too, like Rosa Parks, refuse to sit in the back of (in this case) the airplane.

My argument as to why these seats should be discounted:

1) plane was booked, I could not switch seats.

2) I was not told the seats were nearest to the bathrooms, and that I would be tortured for 4 hours.

3) The seat cost $550. This is entirely too expensive for a domestic flight that forces you to smell human excrement.

Is CSI Modeled after Scooby Doo?

kevin — Sun, 24 May 2009 13:49:16 +0000

I’ve been watching a lot of CSI lately, and have established a hypothesis: the writers of CSI modeled the show after Scooby Doo. The similarities are striking and many.

It is extremely frustrating to watch CSI. Like in Scooby Doo, the perpetrator always admits to the crime under extremely light interrogation, often very little evidence against them. For the love of God Scooby Doo and CSI villans, please, you have the right to an attorney. I can’t stress this enough. Please stop confessing major crimes to the police without consulting a lawyer. Also CSI and Scooby Doo criminals, you don’t need to remind the police that you “could have gotten away with it if it weren’t for “so and so.” This is both unnecessary and unflattering to your ability to scheme.

Christian Audigier and Ed Hardy.

kevin — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 09:24:05 +0000

I hope we can look back, laugh and make fun of the current trend of wearing Christian Audigier and Ed Hardy. Honestly, it looks like you bedazzled and put glitter on your shirt. Real cool, asshole.

My Letter To Hy-Top Foods

kevin — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 01:23:11 +0000

Last night I ran out of the food I typically feed my dog and had to run to my local supermarket at 11pm. This is what I purchased. And subsequently, below is the letter I sent to the manufacturer.

Dear Mr. Antelo, I am writing out of concern for the animals who consume your “premium” Hy-Top “dog food.” I have a difficult time referring to this product as dog food because my dog was confused as to why I would put something in his dog dish that was inedible. At first, I thought he had an upset stomach because he wouldn’t go near the food. Every time I prodded him to enjoy his dinner, he looked at me as if I was his captor in Guantanamo. So I threw the contents of the bowl into the garbage and waited until morning. The same thing happened the next morning. So I immediately went to a different store and purchased a different brand of food which he ate hungrily. Let me further illustrate my point.

Here is a list of things my dog will eat:

-His own poop

-My cat’s poop

-Plastic bottles

-Toilet water

-Tampons

-Glass shards

-Cigarette butts

-Used bandages

-Whole pumpkins

-Windex

If you observe carefully, your Hy-Top dog food is not on this list. You have, in fact, created the only product my dog has never had the urge to put in his mouth. Now if you could only manufacture couches out of the same materials as your “dog food,” perhaps my dog wouldn’t chew on my fucking furniture.

Sincerely,

Kevin

Black Tuesday.

kevin — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 18:54:47 +0000

Economic turmoil. I was at an outdoor patio with some friends and a homeless man holding a styrofoam cup approached us. Our conversation went as follows-

Homeless Man: “I need a stimulus package.”

Me: “How much do you need?”

Homeless Man: “1.2 trillion dollars.”

Me: “You’re going to need a bigger cup.”