Christian Audigier and Ed Hardy.

I hope we can look back, laugh and make fun of the current trend of wearing Christian Audigier and Ed Hardy. Honestly, it looks like you bedazzled and put glitter on your shirt. Real cool, asshole.

Black Tuesday.

Economic turmoil. I was at an outdoor patio with some friends and a homeless man holding a styrofoam cup approached us. Our conversation went as follows-

 

Homeless Man: “I need a stimulus package.”

Me: “How much do you need?”

Homeless Man: “1.2 trillion dollars.” 

Me: “You’re going to need a bigger cup.”

Strangest/Best Birthday Invitation Ever…

This is all it said:

Dear Kevin,

Do you remember the episode of Growing Pains, later in the show’s run, when Mike lived above the garage and he had a waterbed that sprung a leak and the family was all up arguing in his place but Mike was just focused on dealing with the leak? And he said “Help Me drink my bed.”? 

 

When I called my friend to ask him what this meant he said, It was a birthday invitation to go to Acadia’s Bar, behind the Midwest Mountaineering on Washington Ave.

Tacky, Midwestern, Possibly Native American Inspired Wolf T-shirts

My friend Chad bought a shirt like this at a thrift store in Seattle. The function of the shirt was discovered to be, as he remarked, to pick up middle-aged, diabetic, Native American women at casinos. Upon learning this I bought the shirt from him for $40. This is a true story.

The Erotic World Of Wikipedia

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve traveled to Wikipedia in hopes of settling a bet with a friend, or in an attempt to learn or remember something I was probably already taught in grade school. Wikipedia is the smart, pale kid in class with the glasses who sits in the front by the teacher, and on test day you want a good seat close behind him. But what if one day that kid stopped giving you cliff notes on “To Kill A Mockingbird,” didn’t explain to you the difference between adenosine tri-phosphate and adenosine di-phosphate, but instead went on a tirade about the various methods of fisting? en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fisting. Or fluffers en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fluffer, snowballing http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snowballing_(sexual_practice)Or, god help us all, pearl necklaces en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pearl_necklace_(sexuality). When I was in high school, we were taught the basics. The essentials of reproduction as it were. Nowadays every 4th grader has a firm grasp of the dirty sanchez, the glass bottom boat and the australian death grip. I believe in some states it is required to know these terms in order to acquire your diploma.